Sometimes, I feel as though I have no choice but to do something. Or go to something. Sometimes, life seems easier that way because you just give up and say 'yeah, no choice, die also must do' and then you simply sigh, self-pity for maybe a night or two, complain and cry and throw a tantrum about and then...you do it. Like it or not. Stupidly, it is during these busyness you feel dead. Everything's a chore, heck, even sleeping becomes a chore. You don't want to sleep, you just want, or should I say need, to keep working and finishing endless things. Twice I got back my results, twice I was so close to getting an A or a distinction. Call me obsessed but I'm really depressed. Got to start bucking up. I know I can do much better than this.

Anyway, because of having to finish projects, assignments and revisions for tests, I've been sleeping at 1, 2am and going home at 7pm or so. As a result...I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm moody, I'm sarcastic and. I'm just a plain mean thing now. Ha. I feel old, I probably look old...haven't been looking at myself much in the mirror. Maybe I shouldn't, I might get shocked at the eyebag and droopy flesh and blotchy skin...eww. I hope not. I sincerely, totally, seriously hope not.

And guess what? I want to go work so I can get the money for Aceh. The thing is, I really want to go exhaust myself, burn myself out, faint and get send to hospital. I don't care. I need a rest! I need...I don't know. Why is it that when you're most exhausted you just don't fall sick huh??Where is the logic in that? ?I've been trying hard to fall sick, or to get hold of some sort of sleeping pill but I've never succeeded.

I bet even if I were to decide to swallow poison to finally get some rest, I wouldn't succeed either. Some poor soul probably would drink it up, thinking it was coke.

Ha. Ha.

Poor soul.

Too bad.

Didn't I say that I'm a mean thing?

Yeah.

So what happened on 4 July? TPJC drama. Mei Yi being very unglam. No one in her right mind would go wear 3inch shoes out at their first try. No one. But because she did, I had to lend her mine since I changed footwear. Wearing platforms the whole day can effectively kill my feet and since the next day I have presentation, I can't risk that. So brought a change of clothes and shoes...that's the first unglam thing: changing shoes in the middle of City Link and having everyone stare at us. Then...as we open the door towards Marina Square...Mei Yi misjudged and slammed straight into it.

Total unglamness. Hahaha. But, very very funny. Oh wells, haha.

Had to go apply some more make up for Cartan and Mei Yi. And...I must say, I'm very proud to have my make up still on when everything ends. =) Cause everyone else's had faded and gone and left behind a blotchy face. Haha, oops. Well, not really. I'm just happy no pimples decide to pop out after that. Haha. So. Happy. Yeah. Pardon my retardness.

So...TPJC performance...it was alright I guess. Am I allowed to voice my criticisms? The Indian and Malay sections were marvellous. Particularly the Indian dance and the Malay dance song...And of course the Dikir Bar...something. The part where everyone is chanting and creates a sort of song? Yeah...that was great 'cause they were all having so much fun! And I was having alot of fun watching them as well...Indian dance as well. Fun, fun, fun. That's what performance is all about, apart from professionalism. It's the fun factor, have fun your audience will have fun too. As for the malay dance, it is so...essentially Malay. The first thing that came to my mind when I was watching it was that, this dance is the essence of Malay dance. So very very malay...which is incredible because now dances are usually fusioned. Modern Dance however, I'd have to say I'm quite disappointed with it. There was a lack of coordination and a lack of passion. The dance steps and the song were great but the dancers...not so great. So, that was quite a pity. Music wise...I thought it was quite alright, especially the guitars. I can't comment about the choir because I'm biased against co-ed choirs, I prefer either only male or only female, not both. They just...don't match. Yeah...so...the concert band was alright...but I think Dunman High concert band is better, the 1989 batch and previous I mean. Nowadays, students are failing. Footdrill, music, dance...not so good anymore. Wonder why. Is it our fault that we don't teach well, or theirs that they don't practice enough?

Chinese Orchestra was not bad, they were quite smooth so I was quite contented. Guitar presented soothing tunes, so that was ok as well. Anyway, after the whole event, had to resist and endure going to the toilet as we walked about, the JC folks finding their friends, Mei Yi unglamly slipped off the staircase (and it was recorded by Cheryl!!Hee hee.) and I simply walking about, taking in the general atmosphere and just...just looking at people. And how they behave. And how they dress...yeah, such stuff. Met Elshan who looked almost like Kenneth- very decent. I mean, I think I look very indecent beside him or something, people like them have the typical 'mummy's little boy' look. Met Nicholas (I think that's how it's spelled) who was one of the cast of the drama. Couldn't recognise him anyway because I couldn't really see the faces from Circle 2. That guy...what's his name? The leader in E5, I'm surprised to see he's still chasing after Sher Chua. Or they're together already? I was eyeing that huge bouquet of flowers he had tried to discreetly hide behind his back but failed. Haha. I hope both of them turned out alright, though I'm not too sure about it. It seems really one-sided. Like he likes her enormously but she's just...just like that. He even bowed and said goodbye to Sher Chua's mum, that part was funny. Haha, meeting the future in-laws now huh...convenient. Very convenient. But her mum was cool about it. =) And she remembers me! Hoho, I think we haven't seen each other since...Primary 6? After Chinese Dance ended? Haha, so I was happy to see her and...the maid whose name I've forgotten.

After that, made our way back to Bedok where I went back home and the others, along with KR and Nicholas went to eat supper. So unhealthy. Haha, so that's the geist of what happened on 4 July. There's a bug flying around in my room, I need to chase it out and pray hard it doesn't head for me. My eyes are burning and drooping, my throat is parched, my shoulders ache and my finger joints and wrists hurt a lot. Not in very good shape for the dinner...uh oh. And...MONDAY IS MY PROFICIENCY TEST!!!I don't want to be head waitress! And I'm really worried about the test...=( And accounts test on Tuesday...haiz. After monday, got to concentrate on finishing marketing project since Club,resort spa management is almost done. Applied Research...not really bothering about it until needed. I've finally got my concept map for the resort done! I'm so proud of it! In fact, I've always taken pride in all that I do...which is why I need to buck up because I haven't been doing so, hence the bad marks. =(

No time, need to do do do. Chase bug out, finish research findings, do resort revenue structure, touch on marketing strategies and advertisement, email Kat and Keagan, figure out how to get to camp tomorrow, pack bag. I can foresee myself sleeping at 1 or 2 again, crap. I hope I don't fall asleep in bus and then end up in some remote place where I thought I had been kidnapped and brought out of Singapore. I hope.